Thursday, September 11, 2008

Big Bang: I have become a believer!

For many years I have been an atheist and a strong opponent of religious blind beliefs and superstitions. Sadly, I have ridiculed the power of mantras, prayers, and rituals that help humans in their daily life. I have spent hours writing many blogs denouncing Vaastu Shastra, Astrology, and other ‘sciences’ calling them (wrongly) ‘pseudo-sciences’.

All that is changed now.

I understand enough physics to appreciate the ongoing Big Bang experiment conducted by CERN using LHC. There is a clear danger for the whole Universe because of what we as Humans are doing on a small planet in some remote corner of an insignificant galaxy. After all, Humans have the power to negate the work of God all in one go by conducting this ‘biggest experiment’ of human history. These dumb scientists do not know what they are playing with. God has so carefully constructed this Universe with his own ‘two hands’ and we are all set to undo his great Creation; of course he has hands because he has made humans in the image of himself- he would look like one of us if we were to meet up with him some day. We have become an arrogant lot, trying to equate ourselves with God, trying to get a place next to him. Didn’t God punish us before when tried to reach him constructing the tower of Babel? Our God is a jealous God. He doesn’t like it when we try to reach him or surpass him. He will punish us for that.

This whole experiment is bad for us. Either we will destroy the Planet Earth and all humans within it, including our savings, our gold and jewelry, and the Mercedes car parked outside the home, OR God will punish us really bad for trying to understand him or recreate what he has created 13.5 Billion years ago. Either way, this experiment will spell doom for all of us. And these stupid scientists are to blame for that.

Fortunately, I have changed my belief systems before God decided to punish us. I am now an ardent believer of God, and I completely support all the pujas, homas, rituals, being conducted in India to protect us from impending destruction.

Thanks to so many considerate and altruistic religious Indians, who have put the safety of humankind before their ulterior motives, who have prayed for our well-being, spending money on grand rituals, I feel very safe now. I feel that the eventual destruction will be averted since these kind Indians have beseeched God and pleaded on behalf of all humans including those wily sinning scientists intent on destroying the Universe.

I have come to understand the power of astrology, the rituals and prayers, and I am entirely convinced that these prayers alone, and not the foolishness or the incompetency of the scientists, have averted a great danger posed to entire humanity and the Universe.

I have become a believer. Please pray, please conduct more rituals. I thank all those people working at MNCs for showing so much sympathy and support to these pujas. I am very happy that you were all enlightened for so long. I realize the importance of the college degrees that you earned and the science classes that you attended. I join you today. I feel happy that I am in the company of such enlightened and wise souls.

All those government officials, school going kids who have skipped work and school the other day, I completely understand why you have done what you have done. Either you feared it would be the last day of the Universe and hence decided to stay home and watch the last collection of your DVDs or you felt that it was your way of telling the God that you are very upset with this experiment that could possibly destroy Earth and hence you have imposed a bandh on yourself to protest. Either way, thank you!

This LHC experiment is no trivial thing. It is a big thing. First, it is a big thing because it involves $8 Billion. That’s a big number. Second, it is to do with another word that starts with Big called ‘Big Bang’. This experiment will try to simulate the conditions that existed during first-trillionth of a second after the creation of Universe where particles did not yet assume mass. These experiments may end up creating mini small black holes that will swallow our earth. The problem with black holes is that they are Black, and Black is synonymous with something sinister and evil.

Christians have long believed that there will be a doomsday and they have been waiting for it. This whole Big Bang thing is an anathema to them. There are many things Christians know which others don’t. First, God took only six days to create this Universe and it was done only few thousand years ago. Second, God will punish humans for supporting these stupid scientists who keep annoying God again and again with theories like Heliocentric Solar Systems, theories of Universe, etc.

Muslims know for sure that world will end one day. If it is LHC that is going to do the job, so be it.

Hindus for long have believed that the whole world is balanced on a razor-thin string in a very delicate balance where the harmony between humans and everything around them keeps the Universe stable. This experiment will cause a disturbance in that delicate Universe and upset the balance leading to a potential destruction of the Universe. This is a real danger. Ask any expert on Hinduism, he will tell you this.

Thank you, Aaj Tak, the great Indian TV Channel, for having instructed Indian viewers how some miniature black holes will suck up entire earth. And Thank you, Chhaya of Sarangpur, for committing suicide to create awareness of impending doomsday. You qualify for the Darwin Award.


  1. Your satire isnt that satirical :)

    And I'm angry as hell too about the silly news coverage pandering to doomsdayers.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. lol...
    people all over the world are afraid that this might be THE END.

    i too had a tough time explaining my maid that its not :-)

  4. Personally, I think being sucked by a black hole would be a wonderful way to go..

  5. Thou shall not codemn a person's right to be stupid. Its a holy right after all!

  6. You take yourself too seriously man.

    Who the heck cares if you became a believer or non-believer? Go. Get some life.


  7. Chirkut, Iam wrong that I placed you before in a better level. You suck..

  8. Well, well. It's nice to see that someone has already commented in my name, as well as responded to "my" comment. Ah, the wonders of internet. :)

    People like Chhaya are necessary for people like Sujai to feel good about themselves, because it proves to them how smart/intelligent they are.

  9. How intelligent you are Chirkut? Keep it up ...

  10. First of all, Indian media doesn't have any scientific bent. They just present it for the sake of presenting it. No news channel(almost 99% of them) ever broadcasts proper information about it. They add their own masala. They are efficient at presenting news about all sorts of Babas and swamijis, astrology and bla bla bla.., but no good at science(since it doesn't make any sense to them). In one of the news channel(TV9 in A.P.), as my cousin told me, they said to fulfill your desires, if there are any, because world is going to come to an end in 2/3 days. Indian media is one of the cheapest, dumbest and senseless media,except for few like NDTV and The Hindu newspaper. Unfortuantely, some of our so called science faculty in the state universities(TV9 interviewed some Osmaina University faculty) also don't know much beyond what the papers/popular media say. At most they can pass some comments like 'we cannot educate them', even before making any attempt in that direction. That is the level of our science faculty at state universities.I happened to know that JNTU Ananthapur VC got(bought?) a PhD degree with out doing anything at all.
    To Sujai: Your reluctance(hatred?) towards any religion and god is understood from what you explained as happened on some new year eve at ur home. U might have been an atheist even long before that incident,though. But, you are seeing only the negative side of that concept. And Hinduism doesn't support or promote any blind beliefs(like in a book or in some one). If you read any authoritative commentaries on vedas you will understand how rationale they say you to be, which I doubt you ever did. If some bunch brings such negative shade to those practices/ideas blame them for not fully understanding them. I would say, you too didn't understand it at all nor did u make any genuine attempt understanding the Hindu Dharma. Well, I deviated from what I started with. I stop this here.


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