Hurrah! SriKrishna Committee Report has been leaked. Here are some of the salient points:
For Separate Telangana State:
Overwhelming majority in Telangana seeks a separate state; the current ten districts of Telangana could be carved into a separate state with Hyderabad as its capital;
Pros: Enough indications suggest that this region was neglected and its people discriminated against; a separate state would address many of the concerns ailing this region. For example, a new state of Telangana would definitely get more water and therefore bring prosperity to the region. Could also lead to elimination of Naxal Movement because people will get a political voice in Indian democracy.
Cons: Seemandhra people may get disappointed and may burn some buses in Seemandhra region.
For United State:
Majority in Coastal Andhra and Rayalaseema would like to keep the state united; the status quo could be maintained with introduction of regional board for each region – Telangana, Coastal Andhra and Rayalaseema, and special packages could be given for neglected and backward districts.
Pros: no change required to current administration setup; will make people of Seemandhra extremely happy; Telangana people will be under superior rulers of Seemandhra region.
Cons: will make people of Telangana extremely unhappy; could lead to massive agitations and uprising in Telangana, but our outstanding Indian Army and Air Force can easily suppressing it with less than 5 lakh people dead; could lead to escalation of Naxal Movement like it happened in the aftermath of 1969.
For Separate Hyderabad State or Union Territory:
Some pockets and colonies in Hyderabad seek separate status away from the rogues and villains of Telangana; all the houses and colonies seeking separate Hyderabad could be made into a separate state or union territory. Though disjoint geographically, which will result in collection of conclaves completely surrounded by Telangana as first-of-its-kind experiment in human history, it will satisfy the aspirations of these people.
Pros: The map will like speckle of dust, making it very interesting in class room discussions all around the word.
Cons: Telangana people may want to charge a cess of 200 rupees each time the residents of this region enter Telangana. Even if the kid wants to play coming out of the home and enter Telangana, he has to pay up. All these entry fees into Telangana, with complete dependence for water and power on Telangana, it may result in negative GDP for this region.
Sharing capital city:
There are some people from Seemandhra who do not want to let go of Telangana and would like to hold onto the city, and as a compromise suggest sharing of Hyderabad city as capital for both the regions of Telangana and Seemandhra. A model like Berlin during Cold War is proposed with a wall to separate the two sections of the city.
Pros: Though it is not in their culture, Seemandhras could still have easy access to Hyderabadi Biryani; A Hyderabad Wall (like Berlin Wall) manned by military will be a tourist spot and make interesting stories for movies, like love affairs between couple living on different sides of the wall.
Cons: Like with Berlin, Seemandhra has to airlift all amenities like water and food to its residents since their part of the city is completely surrounded by Telangana.
For merger with Pakistan:
Few individuals in some small conclaves in Hyderabad still dream of restoring Hyderabad State by annexing Marathwada and Karnatak region and then merge it with Pakistan; though it is not possible to restore the erstwhile Hyderabad State, it is possible to create small conclaves of Pakistan inside India.
Pros: Creation of small Pakistan inside India will come handy when people like Bal Thackeray want to torment some Pakistanis by cutting off their water supplies.
Cons: The residents may need a visa to step out of their homes. In case of war, this region can be used by Pakistan to launch nuclear strike against India from within India.
Remerging of Seemandhra with Tamil Nadu
There are some Telanganas who propose that Seemandhras should set an example of remaining in a ‘united state’ by remerging Seemandhra region with Tamil Nadu.
Pros: Tamils will now have someone to kick around the way Andhras had Telanganas all this while.
Cons: Andhras will be kicked around now like their Telangana brothers.
[This is a parody of the report based on the statement made by VK Duggal, a member of SriKrishna Committee, who said that the report would offer “several options with their pros and cons.”]